On the 6th of April 2005, cousins Jamie Mackenzie and Ben Wylson set off on their bikes on a journey which will take them to over 50 countries and to every one of the worlds great continents, all without the use of an aeroplane.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006: The Golden Nugget Curtain Call of Sadness
The selling of the brochure has taken a back seat in recent weeks. It's buckled up soundly, snug & tight like a naked foot in an Ugg boot, ready to emerge again when the climate is kinder and the time dictates it.
In the past undulation of Melbourne weeks, the FWE pair have sold in excess of 5,000 copies of the 'Golden Nugget Publication' or 'Greatest Adventure Story of our Generation', as some have dubbed it. 'Golly gosh, what an achievement!' we hear you chorus with cream-cracker delight..not so, my jolly cake-eating chums, not so. Our bank accounts for all the toil, sweat and tears are little the richer. Saving money in Melbourne is about as easy as saving money in London. Yet we consider ourselves rich: rich in memories and times past, present and future. Does that have a price?
Yesterday afternoon at precisely 12:33pm we arrived at the 'Lonely Planet' head office on the outskirts of the city beyond the lavishly unpopulated Docklands. A termite mound of activity encased in a giant red brick building of mirth that protruded from the landscaped ground as we rounded the bend of the highway. 'What ho, wonderful to see you chappies,' said Peter standing at the front door rubbing his hands together. 'So glad you could make it...cup of tea?' he said beaming down. 'Rather, old boy,' said Jamie as he heaved his mighty black biking machine through the doors of the Great Glass Elevator.
For several weeks Peter had been in contact with us imploring us to perform in front of the good workers of the Lonely Planet HQ for the entire world, with an agenda to inspire and motivate; who were we to refuse such a lofty invitation?
An endless stream of people on lunch break, filtered into the conference room brandishing steaming plates of rich and creamy lamb rhogan josh that scented the air and teased our hollow stomachs. The Thorns sat like obedient puppies at the front of the room beneath a projector and a map of the world; so the talk began.
For an hour or more we spaketh about 'the ride that follows the sun', a diatribe of immense interest and popularity that upon its completion was greeted with a resounding cacophonistic bout of applause, cheering and whistling. 'Bravo, bravo' they chanted, 'top notch' and 'quite remarkable' were but a few of the more memorable comments that were audible above the almost defining appreciation that poured forwards like a tsunami of gratitude.
We rode home happy with $1000 ($500 of which goes straight to Practical Action)in our back pockets, two LP books, a contact for a man who will be giving us ship passage from Brazil to South Africa, an offer to write an article for the much anticipated LP magazine and numerous numbers and invites for drinks and meals out. 'I do believe we pulled it off just fine,' Ben said...and so we had.
Our stay in Melbourne is now drawing to a close. The curtains call but they're heavy and sad, unwilling to fall in a neat and orderly fashion. Subtle changes, omens and signals announce themselves daily and unexpectedly. May it be the new twittering of a familiar bird, a previously un-noticed crack in a well-trodden pavement or the lyrical whispering of a fresh zephyr; the time is right and come Monday morning we shall no longer be able to regard Melbourne as our home.
Monday, June 19, 2006: FWE on 'Neighbours'
On the bikes we cycled through the gates of Global Studios, the home of locations and sets used for Australia's most popular exported television program, 'Neighbours'. We had been invited by Dichen Lachman (Katya Kinski on the show) to make FWE part of 'Neighbours' history.
Dichen greeted us with her radiant smile and to the Green Room she took us. There, Harold was asleep on the sofa, Paul was reading the Paper with Elle, Sky was eating a sandwich, Boyd, Stingray and Dylan were goofing around eating bangers and beans, Susan said a twinkling 'Hello', Carl was looking over his medical notes, Lynn passed by singing a ditty, Steph and Oscar came in playing pirates, Rachel drew in her scrap book, Ned watched the telly, and there were we in the middle of it all wondering whether we had actually stepped into the television or not?
Later in the day Harold was shooting a scene when we were given the cue to walk into shot with our legendary bicycles. They looked fabulous. Our union flags fluttered from their bamboo poles strapped onto rear pannier racks with cable ties. "Cut!" called the director. "Good work guys, and good luck" he said to us as we walked away from Lassiters hotel. You will see us on air in 6 months time in the U.K, 4 months in Australia.
International Radio
At 2:30 Australian Eastern time we will be on the ABC Radio Australia program 'In the Loop'. Go to www.radioaustralia.net.au/intheloop for more information. You should be able to pick it up on the internet anywhere in the world.
Monday, June 12, 2006: "I'm falling" seaters
Morning had broken on the third day of the Queen's birthday weekend. The boys had been out and about having fun in the city with Neighbours the previous night; snugged beneath enveloping duvets there was very little movement in the FWE hibernation chamber. Jamie rubbed his nose and sighed deeply, Ben yawned cavernously and squinted at his watch which was lying not far from a lazy arm that had found its way out of the warm covers and was trailing, limp on the carpet. Slowly, the digital digits became focusable-on and Ben saw the time. It was 9:30, the exact same time that the Free Wheels Easters were meant to be at the studio of Kiss FM for an interview set to go out to an audience of 50,000 people.
After a miniscule moment of horrific realisation the peaceful atmosphere of slumber was blasted to smithereens. "Holy moley!" yelled Ben who simultaneously jumped out of bed as though he'd been zapped with 20,000 volts. "Good Heavens, what is it?" asked Jamie who was showing signs of alarm at Ben's barmy over-activity. "The radio!!" blurted Ben, who was already throwing on clothes, cursing loud, buttoning up his shirt out of line and putting his coat on inside out. Jamie -by now sitting bolt upright in bed- was displaying similar symptoms of half-asleep shock. "I didn't hear the alarm," said he as he scratched fronds of porcupined hair.
Minutes later the pair were outside, tripping and tumbling along a dry leaf pavement looking for a taxi. "There's one!" shouted Jamie as he ran into the road with his shoelaces undone, his unkempt hair like a field of set-aside in the wind. The taxi stopped, a darkened electric window lowered slowly. The driver popped into view. "Hewow" said the driver, a little fat Chinaman who sounded like he might not have too great a grasp of the English language. "Chapel Street and step on it!" said Jamie. The taxi driver smiled in slow motion, showing a row of front teeth set at 45 degrees that snuck buck from his mouth and said confusedly, "Step on what?"
The Chinaman indicated, checked his mirrors and, like a three-toed sloth making one of its few daily movements, he joined the carriage-way. The road was open, there was no traffic. The boys waited in anticipation for the driver to screech forward in a fog of burning rubber with the urgency of your usual cabby, but no, this taxi driver was different; he began to sing a painfully high-pitched Chinese ditty as he drove with all the pace of a first-time learner on a manoeuver. Taking the bikes would've been faster; walking would've been faster. Ben drummed his fingers on the dash board, Jamie grunted and oinked with the frustration. The Chinaman sang his song, his taxi snailing along. Ever-so slowly he bore his passengers on their way.
At the studio Ben and Jamie leapt out of the taxi thrusting cash and thanks. Suddenly the 45-speed record that had been playing at 33 was back at the right tempo; the interview was slotted in a little later than expected and delivered with success just after Jason Donovan's Dad (Terry) was on.
The FWE itinery as it stands includes: ABC radio, Fox radio, filming on the Neighbours set, Yen magazine, a professional fashion shoot with 'Andre' and a possible appearance on the nation's favorite breakfast television program, 'the 9 am Show'.
Brochure sales have taken a bit of a back seat in lieu of all these media commitments. Also we have some super new chums to corrupt us whom we have already christened: Uggy Angel Bum, Enema Moon, Brains, Farty Cigar and his girlfriend Hic-cup. We do appreciate them so.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006: The continuing story of Jerome Neighbours & Wilderness Pies
The Melbourne whirl-wind has whipped up a frenzy of action in recent days. On the Wednesday just past, amidst the drooping temperatures that sag ever downwards, there was a tentative knock on the door of our suburban flat; a knock that heralded the introduction of Murray 'The Magical' Johnson into our lives. Murray is a free-lance journalist and photographer and it was his expressed wish to interview, then shoot us in the hope of distributing our story to any number of prolific publications and so adding another sizeable brick in the publicity wall of FWE and Practical Action.
'My good fellows,' said a beaming Murray at the termination of proceedings, 'you must come to a Footy match with my family and I this coming Saturday...have you been before?' We hadn't, of course, and gratefully accepted the offer.
In the upper tier of the MCG we huddled together like Petit-Pois in a freezer and watched through chilled eyes as the Collingwood 'Pies' beat the Brisbane 'Lions' in a closely-contested, hard-hitting game of attrition. It was a wonderfully brutal introduction that curiously made us feel like baying cave men: bloodthirsty and wild. Deep in the third quarter Ben raised a clenched fist in the air, shaking it like a club as the umpire made a decision he heartily deplored: 'Why, you blithering buffoon!' he screamed, beating his chest and stamping up and down. 'You should be ashamed of yourself, you naughty umpire.' It was a fantastic first-time experience and the pair of us are now on the hunt for official 'Pies' sticker albums and collectors' cards...'up the pies'.
With the terrace chants still sounding in our heads, we rose early the next morning and took to the throbbing 'Swanston Street' to offer our support for the splendidly organised 'Wilderness Society' (an organisation that amongst other things rallies for protection and salvation of Victoria's old growth forests and water catchment areas). At the spear-head of a 15,000 strong troop, we stood tall and proud with our charming Neighborly friends Dichen (Katya Kinski) & Caitlin (Rachel Kinski), bellowing and hollering our support, clapping and whistling, chanting and marching. Alongside John Butler and Jack Thompson we made our voices heard the continent over; our clamoring voices juddering and shuddering, shaking the very foundations and fabric of every Australian Premier.
We then watched from the wings as Dichen and Caitlin took to the stage with John and Jack and sang sweetly to the tunes of 'Hey Jude' and 'Every Breath You Take', applauding their commendable support and stand against the unquestionable ignorance of the powers that be and felt honoured to call them all our friends.
Last night the 'Skillywiggler' returned for the first time since Koh Tao to an appreciative back street hangout named 'St Jeromes'. A come back rhapsody of musical genius that echoed in the grooves of all Melbourneshire. A heavily-supported turn of chorused funk that lifted shrapnel from the pockets of the pulsing masses in support of our charity 'Practical Action'. As the music weaved a psychodelic wig-wam of faultless pleasure for the unabashed congregation, buckets were shaken by a smiling Kelly Edwards and fundage spilled forwards. Thanks to all those involved for your energy and generosity and a special thank you to Jerome on behalf of ourselves & Pracical Action for dealing us the tenure of your bar for such an enjoyable and rewarding evening.
The diary is squish-packed with appointments from one day to the next; wet ink rampantly charging across the pages like,...well,...wet ink rampantly charging across the pages. Busy like bees, we fuzz around our Melbourne hive, harvesting the pocket-pollen and making our honey-money for year two of FWE.
There is a new song that fits our bill. It's by a band known as 'The Beatles' and is called 'Two of us'. It goes a little like this:
"two of us riding nowhere, spending someone's hard earned pay...
...on our way home...we're on our way home...we're on our way home...
...we're going home..."
Thank you and good night, ladies and gentlemen...it's been a pleasure.
The Wilderness Society
- Protects Victoria's old growth forests & water catchments from woodchipping -
For more information please visit:
www.wilderness.org.au/victoria
contact us | news | travellers | gallery | sitemap